Monthly Archives: January 2014

I am not a videographer, nor do I plan to ever be. But there is power in movement. In the story in between or behind the scenes. And I, I crave to tell it.

When I agreed to my first 365 project, photographing my family every day for a year, two years ago I never dreamed how much I would grow as an artist. How refined my skills would grow to be or how sharp my vision and to authentically capture it would become. Last year sadly I did not do a 365 and I missed it. I missed the little moments and the hand holdable memories. At the end of the year I was a little heart broken.

So I picked myself up and decided to go all in.

Little did I know that all in meant ALL IN. It was as if my subconscious had this idea LONG before I knew it was coming! I had talked with a dear friend about doing a little video everyday…but I never knew what it would look like. I couldn’t just shoot pictures and I couldn’t just shoot video, so I decided to shoot video and pictures of our moments. Knowing I would grow and learn how to share a moving story all while capturing ours.

So my friends, I share this with you. It is not perfection nor does it strive to be. It is just me growing and learning. If all my dreams come true December will be a different caliber than my humble beginning in January.

So won’t you come with me and hold my hand?

Us in January. We conquered the potty, homework grades, snowstorms, playdates and had so much love in between. I am in love with love.


P.S. My boys and I did a happy dance that this month is over! We are ready for a new song!!!  You are welcome, you will be singing it for the rest of the day!!!

 

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Swimmie. Or maybe you would want to spell it with a y, like swimmy. Either way, he is all yours and you are so proud of him. You tell people you have a pet swimmy in your room. You named him all on your own and Dad and I, when you said his name, we exchanged awwwww faces! For you picked the perfect name for a fish. You have had him for about half a year now and you have started being the one to feed him in the morning and at night. This morning he got a super BIG serving as I took your picture! He may not be hungry for a week!

 

I don’t quite get it. I am trying with all my wit to figure it out. Every chance you get you are sitting on TOP of the table and you, you just cannot stand to sit in a chair!

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I have tried asking you, reasoning with you, and you just keep on persisting. Even tonight at dinner you tried to climb up and eat dinner there too! Maybe you like being up high, maybe you are getting ready for the big stage.

I do wish though you would just sit in a chair! If tomorrow is much like today we will be back at it, Jackson chairs are for SITTING!!

Many of our days lately we are soaring. Soaring past all the expectations of what this diagnosis could mean for you. I have not a single doubt that you will continue this way until many will say, what diagnosis? You are amazing to watch and you work so hard. That is the part I am afraid no one will see.

Some days my heart just aches because as your Mom I want to make it all easy for you. I want you to get to run into a group of kids and enjoy play, like so many take for granted. But instead you and I, we have teamed up. Some times I am your voice, you look to me like an interpreter to help you understand. Other times I am your interpreter to help the kids know what you want. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know step by step you will learn to navigate this beautiful world of friendship and I just know it will become something you will enjoy without my help.

But for right now, it is tough for you honey. There are moments when I can see that you want connection so badly and you just do not know how. When I give you the words, I see your eyes light up. Then there are other moments when you want to hide from it all and I give you a safe place. Today’s playdate was a mix of it all. You were so excited for your little friend to come and play. But I watched as you tethered back and forth between angst and laughter. As as you tethered my heart did too. I am all in. All in for you.

But please don’t worry, because I can see further than you. I can see something you may not even be able to feel yet. There were moments today that you connected with your little friend, there were moments that all of your efforts paid off and you did it all yourself! I couldn’t be more proud of you.

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And it is not just me. Daddy came home and joined in and gave you loving moments of encouragement. Then when it got the hardest Jon came home from school and stepped in too. Jon walked in the door and sat right down to play and showed you the way. And you, you just looked at him with such thankful eyes. The smile returned and the rest of the time you were mostly full of giggles.

So years from now when you read this. Know one thing without question. You my little one are loved.

Dr. Mommy, you give me a check-up?

There are so many hats that I get to wear.

Happy that the thought of me giving you a check-up makes it all better.

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